Should Haves
by lo8ic
Summary: If was admitting the truth, he'd admit that he should have never married her in the first place. If he was admitting another thing, he'd admit that he should have made her stay, should have run after her. Please : Read and Review? JIBB


**Summary: The divorce went through and Jenny and Gibbs begin one of their many talks. JIBBS. Please Read and Review.**

**Disclaimer: Oh, ya'll know the drill.**

By the time lunch time came around, Leroy Jethro Gibbs got the called that freed him. He was glad it was all over. And now that that phone call proved it was over, he could have burst into laughter. He smiled as he closed the phone, snapping it shut. He would have laughed out loud if his nosey team were all cleared out. He just hoped that none of them asked any questions. Hope. What a silly thing to think about. There was no hope any more. Not in his life. All he figured he'd have for the rest of his life was bourbon and boats, the team he worked with that he thought of as a family, and the memories of him and Jenny. So he sat there, grinning like a fool; when he turned back around again, that is. He had turned around, facing the cubical wall to take the call. He twisted himself back around.

"Boss?" Tim asked. Gibbs' eyebrows were arched, his eyes twinkling, flashing the biggest grin they'd ever seen him sport. "You-you okay?" He was worried their boss/mentor/father-figure had finally cracked under the pressure of their dangerous and demanding occupation.

"Yeah, McGee. I'm fine."

"Are you sure, Gibbs? If you are not, I can drive you home." Ziva said, facing him fully. That's when he noticed that all work had siezed. The whole team was looking at him with troubled eyes. He looked at them all, confused, eyebrows knitting together.

"Nah, Ziver. I'm fine. I don't need to go home."

"Well, you were smiling like an iiiiii-" Tony said, catching himself before calling his boss an idiot. "So how 'bout that Nats game? Huh-ah?" He asked, nervous laughter in his throat. Ziva glared at him, along with Gibbs.

"It is time for lunch, is it not?" Ziva saved him, _again_.

"Yeah. Go for it." Gibbs dismissed. Ziva started for the elevator and Tony followed quickly, eager to get out of there. Tim called Abby on his desk phone to announce that they were leaving and to meet them in the parking garage.

"See ya, boss." Tim said before joining the other two at the elevator. Gibbs nodded. When all of his nosey little Gibbletts were gone, Gibbs decided he'd go up to talk to Jenny. So, into the office he went, sat on her couch, and waited for her to put down her glasses and pen, close her file, and come sit next to him.

"So what was it this time?" She asked, teasingly. "Were you in the basement with your boat too much?"

"Nope. Couldn't live with 'er. She wasn't the one." He said, honestly, not really too emotionaly connected to the conversation.

"You know this wouldn't have kept happening if you'd married me, Jethro."

"Who left who, Jen?" He asked, hurt. It was a touchy subject, because, as much as he hated to admit it, he had loved her to the deepest part of his heart. He had wanted to marry her. So bad. "You left before I got the chance." She was shocked. That wasn't where she thought that conversation was going to go. She frowned.

"You mean...you would have?" He licked his lips and swallowed, taking a deep breath and exhaling. He stared into her pine-green eyes, nothing short of complete misery in his own tropical lagoons. He didn't move, he didn't speak. He simply looked, and told a story with his eyes. All his barriers were down, diffused, disarmed. She felt nothing short of complete guilt. Under her breath, she murmered an 'Oh my God.' He stood up and went to the door. He paused, and she had stood up. He pushed the handle down and left room. She should have tried harder. Tried to talk to him. Tried to stop him. She pulled out her cell phone, walked out the door, and spoke to Cynthia. "Cynthia, I'll be out the rest of the day. Cancel my appointments, and don't let anyone through to me." She ordered, voice tight with the tears jerking her eyes, unspilt.

"Yes, Ma'am." She said, nodding, setting to work on her computer, dialing numbers on her desk phone.

As soon as she was in the safety of the elevator, she let those tears fall. A landslide of wetness, moisture raining down in a monsoon. She leaned against the back wall of the lift, hands behind her on the wall, she had tried to get ahold of Gibbs, but he wouldn't answer. She expected that. He wouldn't answer the phone to anybody if he was upset or pissed. And now, well, he was probably bost. Upset that she knows and pissed that he was so pathetically weak in front of her. She had to find him, and he could only be at one of three places; the batting cage, the cemetery, or his basement with a bottle of bourbon. She checked the cemetery first. No sign of him there. She checked the batting cage next. Surprisingly, no. Last place, the famous basement. Ah-ha. She walked down the stairs to see him changed into some blue jeans, a cotton tee, and was sanding the bow of the boat, back-to.

"There you are..." She said. He straightened up, stiffening into a stand that the Marine's would approve of. "I was worried I'd never see you again. Thought I'd made the same mistake twice."

"Yeah, and what's that?" He asked, bending over to apply sealer, bitterness but a hint of curiosity in his voice. She swallowed before answering.

"Let you go." It was a hoarse whisper, but it got Gibbs' attention.

"You left me in the dark, Jen. I thought we were goin' good. I'd put it all on the line. I gave you everything I had. What you did, hell, it tore me apart. Why'd you do it? Didn't you believe me when I said-" He sighed, "When I said I loved you?" He asked quieter, having been talking in a voice close to a yell. Here came the tears. She tried to fight them back.

"I-I don't know what I was thinking. I guess I was thinking it was all just fun for us. Nothing was serious. We were just living wildly. And I wanted something to find a way to steady myself."

"I wasn't good enough for you, was I? I couldn't give you everything you father wanted for you, so you chose the easy way out. I guess I didn't deserve you to look me in the eye and say it was over, did I?"

"That's not how it was, Jethro," she managed, voice shaking with the salty tears.

"Then how was it?" He demanded, fire in his eyes, glare on his face, slamming his mason jar of bourbon down, turning to her.

"I knew if I didn't leave then, it'd kill both you _and _me! I couldn't do it! Because no matter what, I didn't have any courage. Jesus, every time I thought about you I got weak in the knees and butterflies in my stomach! My heart was screaming 'Don't do it!' but in my head, my father was yelling 'Leave him!' and I listened, stupidly, to my head! And it's _killing _me!"

"Then why the hell'd you say you didn't want any off the job?" He cried, hurt, not litteral tears raining out of his eyes, but a hoarse, bold cry, less than a yell, but more than a shriek.

"Because! Jethro, I'm the _Director_! How would it be if I was dating a subordinate?"

"Is that all I am! A _subordinate_?"

"No, Jethro! You're much, _much _more! But how do you think people would think of us?"

"Why do you care so much what people think of you? If I love you and you love me, then what does it matter if some high class bastards and beuracrats look down on you? I don't give a damn what people think of you, I know what I think of you! And I know for damn sure that none of my team would look at you any different!"

"It's too late, anyways. So it doesn't matter." She said, turning to run up the stairs, and out the door. Jethro ran after her, grabbing her hand before she could open the door to her car. The tears were still streaking her face. "Jethro, please," she whispered.

"What the hell makes you think it's too late?"

"I-"

"I made the mistake of not chasin' you before, you think I'm gonna make it again? Not on your life. I should have chased you the first time."

"I should have _stayed _the first time."

"The past is the past, but this is the right here and now. And right here and now, all I want is you." He said, narrowing his darkened eyes on her. She smirked, and his mouth was on hers in two seconds. The rest of the night, well, that was time for refreshing their memories. How the other tasted, felt, smelt, moved, loved, kissed, and just about everything else they did in between the sheets they shared. There had been so many should-haves, but now they had the I-dids. And the I-dids felt...oh so good.

**Well, not much of a tear jerker, but it's something :) I liked it. How bout you? Please review, it'll make me smile :) no joke. It's a Jibbs, so it's either great or aweful. Which was it?**


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